Reno here I come!!

I know it's been a while since I've written. But I just had to write a post to say goodbye to all of you lovely folks. If I thought my family could handle technology I would assemble a mission blog, but alas they can't. So this will be it. I wish I could my mission pictures up..maybe if I come back to Denny's before I get set apart..we'll see this may be updated. Anyways.

Wow. It's here. I feel like I'm sort of walking in the air because nothing is grounding me. I'm nervous but excited and almost void of emotion because there are so many to feel. I think I'll go crazy at some point but not yet. It just doesn't feel real. I don't even think my wedding day will fill me with this much of a ...overload of emotions questioning if this is really happening.

One thing I do know is that I have a testimony. I will always have that. I love my Savior and I'm so excited to be able to serve him. So here is my farewell talk. take into mind that it ended with my testimony which isn't included.


Introduction: name, school, mission call, when I leave
funny: first talk since high school at mission farewell
I’d like to title my talk: Our Infinite worth
I’ve titled it so because I want to focus today on the worth of each soul, of each of us. I have a knowledge of my individual worth in the eyes of God.  And I know that each of you have an interchangeable  worth. So what is this “worth” that I keep speaking of and what is ours?
Well Uchtdorf speaks of it quite nicely in the talk that I will be referencing today from the October 2011 General Conference talk: You Matter To Him
He spoke:
This is a paradox of man: compared to God, man is nothing; yet we are everything to God. While against the backdrop of infinite creation we may appear to be nothing, we have a spark of eternal fire burning within our breast. We have the incomprehensible promise of exaltation—worlds without end—within our grasp. And it is God’s great desire to help us reach it.
In the eyes of God, we are everything. We’re his children. Princes, and Princesses. Yet for some reason, I don’t see people acting as such, even I find myself not acting so. Why is that?
Because of adversity. Satan has his own tactics to keep us from staying of the path of eternal glory.
Ucthdorf speaks of two ways that Satan does this:
The great deceiver knows that one of his most effective tools in leading the children of God astray is to appeal to the extremes of the paradox of man. To some, he appeals to their prideful tendencies, puffing them up and encouraging them to believe in the fantasy of their own self-importance and invincibility. He tells them they have transcended the ordinary and that because of ability, birthright, or social status, they are set apart from the common measure of all that surrounds them. He leads them to conclude that they are therefore not subject to anyone else’s rules and not to be bothered by anyone else’s problems.
This tactic saddens my heart. No one is of less importance than another.
Mosiah 6:7 shows an example of how we ought to help one another, no matter our status
“And King Mosiah did cause his people that they should till the earth. And he also, himself did till the earth, that thereby he might not become burdensome to his people. That he might do according to that which his father had done in all things.”
Mosiah was a King as the scripture states, yet it was not below him to serve his people. Jesus Christ the Prince of Peace and Lord of Lords was in every definition: perfect. We all strive for perfection. So if we truly want to become perfect, we must follow in his example do what he did. Serve those around us.
Uchtdorf speaks of the second way Satan tries to keep us from our worth
Another way Satan deceives is through discouragement. He attempts to focus our sight on our own insignificance until we begin to doubt that we have much worth. He tells us that we are too small for anyone to take notice, that we are forgotten—especially by God.
What a strong tool this is: to be able to get us to question our very roots of existence. It is an even stronger tool if we never knew our worth in the first place. I find myself sometimes wondering where I would be in my life if I didn’t know of my worth. What a difference it makes knowing that you have a heavenly being, a Father to be exact who knows you. He knows every part of you the wonderful strong and cherished parts; the ones that we sometimes fail to see in their full spectrum, and also the weak  dismissible parts.
We try to hide these parts of ourselves (The weak) from those we meet we and stay in contact with. The longer we can hide the these unwanted parts of ourselves, the longer we believe people will want to stay around. But you cannot hide anything, any part of yourself from God. He sees all. But the miraculous thing that is hard to comprehend: is that he loves us still. He loves us more than even our earthly parents do-which if is like mine, that’s a whole lot. In God’s eyes, he doesn’t see weakness as something to repress or hide. He sees it as something to expose and strengthen.
In Ether chapter 12:27 it reads: And if men come unto me I will sow unto them their weakness. I will give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.
God has a plan for us. Let me conclude with the words that Utchdorf used to finish his point: that we matter to God.
My dear brothers and sisters, it may be true that man is nothing in comparison to the greatness of the universe. At times we may even feel insignificant, invisible, alone, or forgotten. But always remember—you matter to Him! If you ever doubt that, consider these four divine principles:
First, God loves the humble and meek, for they are “greatest in the kingdom of heaven.”17
Second, the Lord entrusts “the fulness of [His] gospel [to] be proclaimed by the weak and the simple unto the ends of the world.”18 He has chosen “the weak things of the world [to] come forth and break down the mighty and strong ones”19 and to put to shame “the things which are mighty.”20
Third, no matter where you live, no matter how humble your circumstances, how meager your employment, how limited your abilities, how ordinary your appearance, or how little your calling in the Church may appear to you, you are not invisible to your Heavenly Father. He loves you. He knows your humble heart and your acts of love and kindness. Together, they form a lasting testimony of your fidelity and faith.
Fourth and finally, please understand that what you see and experience now is not what forever will be. You will not feel loneliness, sorrow, pain, or discouragement forever. We have the faithful promise of God that He will neither forget nor forsake those who incline their hearts to Him.21 Have hope and faith in that promise. Learn to love your Heavenly Father and become His disciple in word and in deed.
Be assured that if you but hold on, believe in Him, and remain faithful in keeping the commandments, one day you will experience for yourselves the promises revealed to the Apostle Paul: “Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him.”22
Brothers and sisters, the most powerful Being in the universe is the Father of your spirit. He knows you. He loves you with a perfect love.
God sees you not only as a mortal being on a small planet who lives for a brief season—He sees you as His child. He sees you as the being you are capable and designed to become. He wants you to know that you matter to Him.

Loving the haters

Sometimes people are going to hurt you. Honest to goodness straight faced pain. They will tell you they care, but show in their actions that they are anything but caring. Then they make you believe that they are worth all the bad; the smallest glimpse of goodness will suffice. Well here's the thing:

They are worth it. 

Everyone is. The pain they cause you won't go away, until you've accepted to love them anyways. This does not mean that you should spend all of your time with them, in-fact you should spend as little time with them as possible. 

But,

When you feel yourself thinking hateful spiteful thoughts, stop them, and replace them with love. Think of that person and force yourself to wish them happiness. If you can do this, then you have guaranteed yourself happiness. Because when you try to punish them, you are only punishing yourself.

"I the Lord will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men." 

-Doctrine and Covenants 64:10

Sister Commeree

"You have been called to serve"...:)

Aren't those the most wonderful words you've ever read? I adore them.

So in case you didn't know, I am overjoyed to announce that I have been called to serve as a missionary of the United States of..I mean the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Days Saints(I really said that when I was reading my call I was so in shock). I have been called to the Reno Nevada mission and I leave May 29th!

So a couple cool facts about my mission
1. My favorite seminary teacher of all time will be in the mission presidency in my mission!!
2. Lake Tahoe is super close by.
3. I just got in contact with a girl in my stake who leaves the same day as me. We are destined to be friends.
4. I can visit my mission and keep all the connections I make because it's so close by.

The funny thing is when I tell people Reno, they have that two second face reaction of "Oh that sucks" and then catch themselves and get all excited and say how wonderful Reno will be.

I won't lie Reno wasn't my first choice. But when I read it, I could feel that it was right. I can just feel like it is exactly where I'm supposed to be. I can't wait it's ridiculous. But I'm trying to finish finals and move home while only given less than 6 weeks to prepare. So I have SO much to do. If you would like to see me beforehand I'd love to spare some time for you :).

Everyone waiting for the big moment!

Add caption

Right before I opened it!

!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Infinite part 2

I realized I never published this post! It's a bit old, but it's probably one of my favorite writings yet. Enjoy!

With the detour complete we made it to one of my most favorite places:
Lava Hot Springs.
 I've never seen the hot pots in such a way before.
The air was so cold that steam blew through the
air mimicking the fog we had just driven through.
I let my muscles relax and felt my body uncoil
into a limp rag doll-like frame.

After wading through crowds of faces covered by steam,
I made it to the farthest and hottest pool.

The scenery was most beautiful here.
Snow covered benches, hills, and gazebos
made me feel like I was in some winter-wonderland.

I laid on my back gazing through the steam to where the moon
shone down on me.
I closed my eyes and let myself be.
I felt a state of inner-awareness that is hard to find.

When I sat up, I realized that through the steam
the other side of the pool wasn't visible except
in small moments.

This got me thinking.
I suddenly felt comforted by the scenery
forming into a metaphor before me.

The steam, the fog, it it's all the same.
My life has plenty of it.
Plenty of not being able to see where I'm headed.
But there are moments where I get a glance at the other side,
where I can see the end goal.
"Keep thou my feet, I do not ask to see the distant scene,
one step enough for me."
Lead Kindly Light

We're moving on up!!

These mission papers have been horrendously slow. But finally I can feel the progress. The last documentation my bishop needed is in process and should be sent to him within the week. Prospectively speaking, I should have my papers in within the next two weeks. I really think it's going to happen this time. I can feel that it's finally my turn. I'm ready to take on the world.

Some nights

Some nights you come home, and you don't make it two steps in the door without your roommate running to you, because she can tell.
Some nights you try to make it to the living room to study, but you only make it to the kitchen floor.
But some nights the kitchen floor isn't so lonely, because everyone is sitting there too.

Infinite

Singing to the radio with miles and miles behind us, the girl trip had finally started.
Fog, snow and darkness engulfed our surroundings to a serene atmosphere
that remained constant. It wasn't until an extra hour had passed before we
realized that we were on the complete wrong interstate.
That's when the fun started.

Us three beautiful doe-eyed girls pulled off onto a so-called-highway without
a single person in sight. With the fog thickening, it was almost as if we were
entering the plot line in a predictable scary movie.


That only lasted for minutes. Then we really took in the scenery around us.
We could see so many stars.
The mountains seemed stronger, more elegant.
We stopped in the middle of the street
with no worry of oncoming traffic.

We ran around the car arms out stretched, breath clouded,
and became the free beings we were intended to be.

Calming ourselves, we laid down in the middle of the road.
I looked up at everything around me. I felt like I was a part of it.
Instead of my normal reaction to see the world through my own eyes,
I saw the world from it's.

The stillness was deafening.
I looked at the girls and declared in a passionate whisper,
"We're infinite."
It's moments like these when I realize my existence isn't some mere chance.
I'm a part of something greater, eternal.
We all are.
Knowing this changes..everything.

Ouch.

For the first time in history..
I missed all of my classes on the first day of school.
I guess having bruises and swelling all over your face,
and lortab to drown it out makes school seem kind of..
impossible?
Lucky for me I have friends in almost all of my classes and
I got contact with the teacher for the other.
But seriously..I will never ever take brushing my
teeth for granted again.
Also the show gossip girl is my new favorite drugged up past time.

Prophesings of my soul

Yesterday I went to watch the "Joseph Smith Restoration" movie at temple square. I remembered watching this movie when I was younger and how much it had impacted me. Therefore I talked my mom into taking her, myself, and my sister up to Salt Lake to re-kindle the fires of our testimony.

(If you do not know who Joseph Smith is, or have any questions about the LDS church This link will take you to a handy dandy site that can hook you up!)

Wow. I did not cry that much the first time.

It was like my eyes had turned into a fountain that couldn't stop running.
Watching the trials of a man no greater or less than I for the sake of God gave me strength and inspiration.
I have a weakness of fearing what God will ask of me.
After Joseph Smith was tarred and feathered, I watched as he looked up at Emma covered in burns with tears in his eyes but a meek smile on his face mutter the words, "Maybe I'm meant to tread in deep water."

If there's one thing I know how to do, it's swim. Yet I find myself time and time again drowning in water knee deep. all I need is to stand.

God will not give us anything we can't handle. The more he puts in front of us, the more we are growing closer and more like him.

I am so thankful to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I can't wait to be a missionary. I am so thankful for Joseph Smith and those that supported him in founding the gospel so that I and everyone around the world has the opportunity to live with our Heavenly Father and our family for eternity. 

I'm still alive

I promise I am. But as long as I am residing in good ol American Fork, the internet is only available to me in the form of Denny's and cellular device. And I don't know about you, but blogging on a cellphone is a no-go.

But be excited because I will be posting a video of my life changing haircut..and the blog post explaining what caused me to do something that was completely unexpected. Other than that I'm just living and trying to schedule a silly wisdom teeth removal visit that I am most definitely scared out of my mind about. If only the pediatric dentist office I work at could remove my teeth. Nope children don't have those yet. Maybe when humans "evolve" again scientists could throw in a no-wisdom-teeth gene to their genetic makeup...that's all.

Oh and I wore Christmas colors to church today cause I could :)

ps. I just remembered that awesome spiritual blog post I want to write about yay!

The perks of married men

Sometimes marriage ruins a friendship.
But sometimes it doesn't.
I have a couple of really good guy friends.
I'm lucky enough to still be friends with them,
even after they are married.
And I cherish their friendship so very much because
with marriage or serious relationships, I know that
they have no angle or gain behind treating me well other
than to be my friend.

I found an old letter from one of my guy friends
from freshman year.
"I ache and yearn to see the fire in your eyes again."
It amazes that a person could care this much.
To be honest I do, but I've never considered others
maybe caring for me as well in a strictly platonic manner.

He still is in my life, and has been married for six months.

Another of my friends asked if he could possibly name his child
after me.
He then told me that boys are blind, and if any guy is looking for
the perfect girl, he'd only have to find me.

It's moments like these that remind me why
I have been single for so long, and why I will
be for a long while,
because I have so much growing to do,
if I am ever to deserve a guy as wonderful
as these men.

Real men see the good in all women,
not just the ones they are trying to court.
And they will make the most wonderful friends.

I am blessed.

Proud to be an AGGIE

It's not every day that your college's Girls soccer team, volleyball team and football team are WAC champs right in a row. It's also not every day when your basketball team wins their game while the football team takes home a huge victory. But most importantly,

It's not every day when you get to greet your football team as they get off the airplane. As in we literally stood right by the plane. I touched almost every player's hand. 

We then got pictures with local legend Wild Bill and Big Blue.

I've always wanted to stand under the wing of a plane and I did. Man the jets on the planes are huge. 

What a crazy awesome way to express my school spirit.

Stephanie, Mark, Big Blue, Wild Bill, Holly and I with the plane in the background

 

Memoirs

They were flying everywhere,
pieces of crumpled up papers soaring
across the room in all directions.
Giggles escaped the mouths of students,
who couldn't mask the thrill of acting seven again.

The throwing stopped.
I picked up one of the papers.
I met with the girl who belonged to that
bit of parchment.
She had picked up my paper too.

Once we read the contents of the papers
to each other- three facts about ourselves,
we went up and introduced each other to the class.

We finally all had our turn.
 "Alright well that's it for today.
Now that we know each other better,
I think you'll all feel more comfortable
Sharing your own personal stories."

I walked out of class,
repressed memories surfaced.
How will I write about a part of me
that's personal, when I have a line
drawn: Everything people knows about
me (most things),
and then the deep stuff.
The stuff few people know
and appreciate.

It's time to re-evalute the stories in my life.
I'm sure there's an inspiring one or two.

You've got mail

Receiving mail is such a joy.
I suppose when my mailbox starts
filling with bills, I won't feel this way as much,
but post cards and letters are so wonderful.

There is just nothing like snail mail.
While writing a letter, you find a bit of
someone you might not otherwise find.

Just like pictures, letters are constant,
frozen in time. The words are forever there.
Even if the person who sent the letters
changes, the letters won't.

You forever have a piece of them. Something
concrete and special and intimate.

A glimpse into the future

So at the HOWL Halloween party tonight,
I had my tarot cards read for the first time.
I know, I know sketch.
But seriously though, it was cool.
Their are four cards, one for past, present, future, and personal life.

My past card was justice. But it was upside down meaning that I've
been dealing with something that has been done wrong to me that
I haven't been able to let go for some time ....hmmm.

My present was a king of some sort.
It represented a powerful male influence in my life
who had control over me and could help me in financial aspects.

My personal life card was the devil...oooo upside down.
Supposedly when he's upside down this means that there
is a problem, something plaguing me, but I already know
how to fix it, and will be able to.

My future card was judgement. Meaning that all of the
problems I've been facing will be lifted up and resolved.

Being applied all together, the male figure in my life will be able
to help me, and I will be able to relieve the problems I've been having
and have resolution.

This seems very vague and applicable to anything.
But to me, and the problem that I had focused on,
and the decision I was questioning whether to make,
it couldn't have been more specific. 

Oh and here's a picture taken from my web cam of me before leaving to the party

Written Paths

The more I try to be the author of my own fate, the more I realize that I'm merely an editor. I can make small adjustments, but the story has already been written. I keep thinking of things that I desperately want, and imagine I need. But I don't. There is one thing I will always need, and that's spiritual growth.

I can see myself missing small revelations the further I go into a path that I believe is mine to trod. And then It's a corn maze with a dead end. Why didn't I see this before? Is it because I didn't want to see it? If I had only picked up the map they handed out at the beginning, maybe I could have foreseen this. But there's no way to navigate through a corn maze with your eyes closed. Just like there is no way to stay on God's path if you refuse to listen, even when it's the silly simple things. They matter.

I nominate the Grinch!

Just kidding. But I have been nominated for the the Liebster award!

 

I'm seriously flattered. My friend Allie nominated me for this great thing! So here's how it works. 

A LIEBSTER is a German word meaning dearest, sweetest, cutest. The award is given to up-and-coming bloggers with less than 200 followers. 

The rules: -Tell 11 things about yourself.

- Answer the questions the nominator asked, and create 11 questions for your nominees to answer.

- Choose 11 people and link them in your post.

- Go to their page and tell them. 

- No tag-backs. 

So....Me!

1. I hate Ginger jokes.

2. I adore the rain.

3. I adore Washington State and have family in Twilight territory.

4. I own a Claddagh ring.

5. I love my big band swing class.

6. Elephants are my favorite animal thanks to the Secret Garden.

7.  My favorite Bath and Body Works scent is dark kiss...mmm.

8. I'm a tutor.

9. I want to write a book someday about a genius idea I've had. And no I won't tell anyone until it's written.

10. I love fall and everything about it. 

11. I'm dying to go on a hayride.

Allie's Questions

 

1. What are you most afraid of? I'm most afraid of losing a loved one.

2. What moment would you go back and re-live again and again if you could? Anytime during the summer of 2010 would be wonderful.

3. What is your biggest pet peeve? It's not necessarily a pet peeve as much as an irritation I hate when people try to take advantage of me..or others. 

4. If you could eat one food EVERY day ALL day long, what would it be? Chocolate Molten Cake. mmmm

5. Which TV show do you never get sick of? How I Met Your Mother. Or Vampire Diaries. Pick your poison ;)

6. Yes or No - Do you like Honey Boo Boo Child? Oh my yes. She's like sunshine on a cloudy day.

7. When was the last time that you laughed so hard that you started to cry? Yesterday practically. We played a sort of charade/imitation game and watching a shy little freshman pucker his lips and shake his tail feathers did for me. I had a headache from laughing to give you an idea haha

8. What talent do you wish you had or were better at? Anything athletic. Probably basketball. 

9. Which popular song do your friends and family love, but that you can't stand? It used to be Call Me Maybe...

10. What is your dream vacation? Oh as if I haven't proclaimed this before..IRELAND!! And Scotland. I have this dream of standing on the Cliffs of Moher with my arms back Titanic style and a boys arms around me. As far as Scotland goes obviously The Edinburgh Castle, but less famous, the Isle of Skye Fairy Pools. 

 

11. What would your ultimate dream Halloween costume be? I'd have a high class outfit from the early 20th century complete with a large hat with a wrap around scarf connected Garnder Village has just what I'm looking for.

 

So My Questions...

1. In a perfect world, where do you see yourself in 10 years?

2. What makes you tick?

3. Favorite season? For fashion?

4. Night owl or early bird?

5. Favorite Author?

6. Favorite Holiday tradition?

7. Peaches or Nectarines?

8. What color is your toothbrush Do you dance?

9. What is the number one quality you seek for in a companion?

10. What is your most cherished possesion?

11. If you could follow anyone around for a day without them knowing who would it be?

And I nominate these lovely blogs (you know you want to read them!)

Steph

A Spinster's Dating Encyclopedia

Hailey

Lindsay

Berkley

Abby

Jenna

Lauren

Laura

Kalynn

Heidi

Nitty Gritty Awesomeness

So things are getting pretty awesome around here.
First off, I started my papers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Do you know how long I have waited to be able to say that?
Heaven sent it's wonderful.

Getting down to the nitty gritty(nacho!) is a little less fun but still exciting.
Right now I'm figuring out how to have my wisdom teeth taken out in the least
expensive way possible. I signed up online to be contacted for Dr. Jean Brown research
which would pay me for my teeth! Crazy if it works out crossing my fingers.

So yesterday Stephanie and I were talking. Fall is my favorite season,
and this will be my last one for a while. So I came up with an idea,
a brilliant idea. Let's go to a haunted house?

Now Steph's funny when it comes to haunted houses. We could have driven
twenty minutes to one in the canyon. But she deemed that too scary.
So I convinced her to drive to Ogden instead! Mini road trip!

Right as we pulled up, two ladies were getting out of their car
(we were the only customers around). They were visiting from Texas.
Funny enough they were a brunette and red-head pair like Steph and I.

So we opted to stick together. Being the only customers(it had been raining) we got the entire experience. We could go as slow or as fast as we wanted, and all of the characters were focused on us.
My favorite part was the hick who said I looked like Shakira. haha.
Afterwards we chatted with the Adams Family up front for a while and took pictures (I'll get them from Steph).
All, in all, it was a wonderful spontaneous trip.

The beginning of an era

Remember when I said my life has been very void of milestones for a while? Well I, and everyone who watched general conference, just became a part of a huge one for our church(check my believe tab)!!!! Heaven sent, I'm still in shock.

I had been planning on serving a mission for a while now. I turn 21 in May, and so I was planning on turning my papers in in February. Now all high school graduate boys can go at 18(used to be 19) and all girls can go at 19(used to be 21)!!! I've been contemplating on not going to school next semester and leaving earlier, or start my papers sooner but complete the school year.

 Immediately at the announcement, this was the odds for my choice
     - 99%:leaving ASAP, 1%: stick to original plans.
Right after that session was over:
      -65%:leaving ASAP, 35%: stick to original plans.
After talking to my mom my original plans gained 5%
After talking to my R.A. who is an R.M.
25%: leaving ASAP, 85% start my papers ASAP but finish out the school year.

And that is what I believe I will do. I need to keep my head on my shoulders through all of this and not sprint straight for the MTC. I watched the Press Conference Elder Holland and Nelson held directly after the session, and Elder Holland said that he wants the missionaries more prepared ahead of time than ever. I have a lot of reading in Preach My Gospel to do.

But what I want you to know about this day more than anything else, is that I have a firm testimony that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is the true church. I love my Savior and Redeemer, Christ so much. 
 I want to serve a mission not because I'm going on 21 without any marriage prospects or impending career goals. I want to serve a mission, because I have a burning inside me that is filled with light and joy. Everyone deserves the chance to know what it feels like, what I'm feeling now, to know that you are an Eternal being. That you are sons and daughters of a King, a GOD. Everything that I am, every fiber, is converted to the truth that my Heavenly Father knows and loves me and all of his children. 

If you are reading this, know that as I'm writing I'm not only smiling from cheek to cheek, but from flesh to soul. 

Every time I see someone happy together with their "other half," I don't feel jealous anymore. I'm excited; excited for my mission. I can't wait to take the next milestone step of my life preparing myself for an eternal companion. The best way to prepare for the spouse you desire is by being the person they deserve. Serving the Lord will not only be wonderful for the sheer joy of sharing the Gospel, but I will be preparing myself for the rest of my life. The last multiple milestones for me happened in a blur of just a couple months: graduation, first love, college, first true heartbreak. Everything after that really never amounted to the span of time between May-Octoboer 2010. I'm ready for my next milestone :). I'm ready for that milestone that will prepare me for eternal happiness :). I can't wait :).