You weren't supposed to stop loving me.

You promised me forever.........

Now you are all over facebook with the girl who used to talk about how she couldn't wait to see us get married.

How could you?

I'm reading your letters and you promised you'd never stop loving me.

You said that we still had a chance. You promised we'd always be friends.

Now you look right past me, as if I never existed.

I didn't do anything wrong. I did everything to be there for you. I let you tell me on the curb that we never had anything, that all the revelation and feelings of the spirit had been made up in your head.

I sat quietly and apologized. I knew that you were going to snap out of it.

Once you look me in the eyes you won't be able to.......

You're walking away.

I can't breathe.

It's been six months.

I still miss you, want you.

I've been through heartache trying to get over you.

And it just brings me back to you every time.

You say she's your everything.

I feel like an abandoned house.

You weren't supposed to replace me.

You weren't supposed to stop loving me.

Put your hand over your heart

Yesterday I had the wonderful privilege to perform with my institute choir in the Legacy rest home. I knew that this experience would be a good one, but I had no idea what I was getting into. We first met at the church to divide and conquer (we actually split the choir and went to two rest homes). When I found out I was in the smaller choir going the further distance, I was honestly tempted, and almost did, switch groups. I wanted to be with more people and I had been to Legacy before. I decided to stay with the group I had been given. Oh heavens I'm so grateful that I did.

When we got there I was slightly discouraged by the audience number. There were probably twenty individuals tops to sing to. I decided it didn't matter because these twenty individuals were just as important. When we started to sing I put my all into it just like Bro Hopkins told us to. I smiled, winked, swayed, anything to get the audience to smile. Not everyone around me felt brave enough (choir mentality is to look at the choir director, no where else, and don't move). We did some fun pieces like, "My Guy", "Ma", "Down by the Riverside", etc. Once piece we did was a patriotic themed song called "Put Your Hand Over Your Heart." Before we performed this piece my choir director asked if anyone in the audience were veterans. One lady raised her hand and said that she had been a nurse in the Air force. Another man said he had been in the Navy, and one other man said he had been in the Army.

When we started singing I instantly felt the spirit. I could just feel a connection to these people. When we hit the most powerful high chord " Face that star spangled banner", The man from the Navy just started bawling. I lost it after that and just cried and cried and kept on singing but cried. Everyone started crying audience and performers. It was so amazing. We finished the rest of the program on a much higher note, but I didn't forget it. After we finished singing I went and talked to the people in the audience. I talked to the man from the Navy that was my favorite. I put my hand on his shoulder and said, "So I hear you were part of the Navy." He said, "Yes I was." I looked him in the eyes with sincerity and said," Thank you so much for your service." He cried and said, "It was nice to be of service." It's amazing how music can impact people.

The second half of my choir experience was memorable in its own way. First of all there was free breakfast which is always great, and second there were great people, and third there were fun games!! I got to be tangled in a knot with some pretty funny, awesome people. One boy in particular made me smile the most. I felt so comfortable and accepted around him. I was my normal giddy self and he just found me hilarious. I'm so glad that I was able to get to know him better because it honestly made my whole week! I'd be lying if I said that I didn't get butterflies when he smiled at me. When he took me home I got nervous so I didn't get his number but no worries, He'll be in my choir class for the rest of the semester :)

 Playing the human knot with some friends!

Dating Zion: Review

A friend of mine, Kyle Oakeson, has a blog where he writes all sorts of relationship, dating, and marriage help. After reading some of his varying articles, I felt it would be best to write a bit about it.

The blog has so many different kinds of articles to answer questions you might have like: How do I act around my ex now that he's my "ex", or how can I make a lasting impression on someone, or why is marriage so important in the first place? All of these provide some good advice but not as much advice as you would get if you were to take his eight week course. He provides some really great coaching about how to make yourself the kind of person who is ready to enter into an everlasting relationship. I personally have not taken his course, but from what I hear it's some great stuff.

My favorite article that he wrote most definitely would have to be " Tricks for Having a Good Self-Esteem. He really goes deep and helps you realized where you go wrong that creates bad self-esteem, and how to create good. What I love more about it is that it is all centered around the gospel. You know he's onto something when he goes there. "We were all created equally therefore we all have the same potential." It's such a true statement that I really needed to hear. I encourage everyone to read that article no matter your self-esteem level because it has some really great insight we all could stand to hear, or hear again.
Dating zion- tricks to having a good self esteem

I just want your extra time and your.....KISS!!

        Today's been a pretty funny day for me. Sometimes I just have to laugh at myself because I'm kind of silly. As I was walking by the loop where all the busses come in by Old Main the bus driver honked his foghorn horn and the next thing I knew I was two feet in the air and trying to figure out where the HOOOONK was coming from. I turned seriously stirred to see the bus driver was just trying to say hi to someone within shouting distance. Before I knew what I was saying I found myself saying in the bus driver's direction, "It's a good thing I have a good heart!" oops. haha good thing the bus driver didn't hear.
      At the stake talent show I sat with my friends on the second row. There was one seat next to me that just happened to be occupied by creeps anonymous's president. I could tell he was off so I did my best not to turn my head but out of the corner of my eye I could see him stare at me for elongated periods of time. Now I'm not talking staring at me with his eyes, I mean his entire head was facing me with a blank but fancied gaze. One time I took a risk and looked over. I couldn't look more than a second because he looked way too excited to see me look his way. During one act I could see through my peripherals him dancing to we are men. As the talent show went on the Three Amigo act sang my little buttercup. I got a different version from Mr. creep. He serenaded me with"My Little Muffin." I hid my face in my jacket as I turned my head and laughed in the lap my friend sitting next to me.But wait it gets better.
       During the middle of the show Mr. creep suddenly disappeared. I didn't really question it until part way through the last act when Mr. Creep took his skills to the stage. He sang in a most horrendous falsetto voice Prince's "Kiss"!!! He stood there making weird gestures/ dance moves "singing" in his high voice "I just want your extra time and your...( cue creeper's voice dropping 4 octaves and eyes locked dead on me) KISS!" By this point I was laughing so hard I was worried I might throw up. Oh goodness me. I hoped you enjoyed this story because I felt like it was just too memorable to leave unwritten.

Cleansing.

It's time to do a little spring cleaning. Of my life that is. I believe that there is just some extra junk I've let build up that needs to be thrown away.

For starters my habits. I haven't been to my sociology class hardly at all this past month. Thankfully H.F. is merciful because I still passed with a 76%. Which is more impressive when you learn the class average was a whopping 33%. So I need to buck up and go to class and face my cop friend lol. I think I'm finally ready for this transition now that I am back on my A.D.D. medication.

I'm also going to do some cleansing with friends. I've spent basically every day with the same group of friends since my breakup with Brennan. For a long time they were just right for me. A lot of them still are great people and friends. But there are a few that have caused me more heartache than joy lately.

                        *Side note- don't trust when friends say that they wouldn't consider going anywhere near the person you have cared for since before they knew them. What they really mean is, "Don't worry I'm just plotting to take over your life and friends."

I do have some very good caring friends. I'm going to focus more time and effort on them and less in the junk areas. I've decided that space from some people is good.

I'm going to take more time for me and let myself grow and be happy because I deserve to. In the process I'm sure I will find even more meanwhile people to spend my time with :). 

Life is good, my window just needs to be washed.

The magic flute

OPPERRRAAA!!

Ever been to One?

I have!!...as of now :).

Utah State is cool like that. I got to go to an Opera written by Mozart for free just for being a student :-). It was called The Magic Flute or something really bizarre in Italian/German. The whole Opera was in German but subtitles do the trick. My favorite part would definitely have to be the random dancing puppets that "sing" along to the music. At the end of the song one ate the other I was very pleased. I tell ya I admire Operraters (people who sing opera) it takes a lot of endurance and skill to project to an entire audience for 3.5 hours with full magnitude. I got a little jealous.


So what did I learn from this experience?? The suicide rate during the time of the play could have been seriously reduced if cell phones had been invented. Two characters almost killed themselves ( and would have if they hadn't been stopped) due to lack of communication. Seriously one guy called out into the distance and waited two minutes and concluded she was gone forever. Seriously people get a back bone.


All in all I'm proud to say I am now a person who has been entertained in the musical styles of Mozart's Operetta's.

I'm grateful.

I'm grateful for my Heavenly Father.
I'm grateful to be in college.
I'm grateful for my red hair.
I'm grateful to have parents who love me.
I'm grateful for my voice.
I'm grateful for a latter day prophet and apostles.
I'm grateful for my freedom.
I'm grateful to be in a community predominant with my religion.
I'm grateful for Abbie, Mike, Steve, Alex, Kaitlyn, Charlene, Joy, Nate, J.T., Kristin, so many others.
I'm grateful for the little notes people slip under my door to tell me I'm special.
I'm grateful for music.

I'm grateful, I'm grateful, I'm grateful, I'm grateful.

Please leave my thoughts I was in the middle of convincing myself you don't matter.

Cops and Robbers

So my adventure for the night (couple nights ago) started out when after finishing Harry Potter six I looked out the window. From the sixth floor on the man tower you can see a good span of the campus. Off in the distance I noticed that in the entire business building there is one window lit up... one. That's the kind of thing you see in a creeper scary movie. So I felt all Nancy Drew like and wanted to get people to go with me to investigate but they reminded me of what usually happened to the girl who goes towards the mysterious window...she dies. So I didn't go. But it's ok everything thing works out just keep reading :).

After getting back I wanted to show Abbie my outfit for April fools day coming up. I was dressed up in baggy sweats and superman boxers, shirt, and cap. While strutting my ensemble around in the lounge I heard the hall door open followed by men's voices (not to be confused with boys). Then someone said "It's the cops coming" and I freak and grab a blanket to cover up my odd outfit. After a few looks from the cops, I realized that they were more confused by my reasons for hiding under a blanket and decided that it would be best to just lose the blanket. Once off I decided to further explain my appearance. I used my shnazzy sense of humor to make them laugh as I explained that I was dressing as a boy for April fools. Then I tried my man walk- it failed miserably.

One thing you should know about the cops on campus is that they are SUPER friendly. After a good amount of questioning I came to find out that Officer Kent Harris ( or as I call him superman) is in my Sociology class!! Of course Abbie just had to let it slip that I tend to skip class... dang it. So he teased that if I didn't come to class he would call me out to the teacher. So I went. And received a junior police officer sticker on my door.

Oh and to finish the story about the random light- it was some guy's office where he never turns his light off. Go figure.

Our boy outfits minus the hair tucked up.

My junior police officer sticker from Superman!