A whole lot of something.

      Have you ever had so many different thoughts, feelings, experiences to choose to write about that you just simply opted out?? That's what I have been doing. Each day is different and there is so much to be said about each one how do you even choose which day is best deserving?? I don't know. So instead I think I might just take a moment and just say what's on my mind. *Warning* this may be a whole lot of rambling, but I'm pretty sure the synonym for rambling is blogging :D.
      Well one thing that has obviously been on my mind is that boy I've written about. It's ups and downs and everything in between for me as far as he's concerned. Really I just can't get myself to stop thinking about him. I wrote a whole four page post describing my experiences, feelings, and what I've learned from this journey with him, but decided that it was a little much and kept it for myself ( if you ever want the dynamic modern day Eponine  story just ask me to send you the post :D ). A mission is closing in for him and it's closing the door on me. For a closed book person my already difficult agenda has become a complete struggle. Now what I don't want you to think is that I'm trying to hook up with him right before his mission which would make things difficult for him. No, I care too much for that. I just really want to get closer to him because it's going to have to last us two years. Some days are great. We play and have fun just like old times. Others are a train wreck of him not acknowledging I'm around. Yesterday was actually a really great day. After stake conference Steve and I went to the man tower to meet up with everyone. We had a good time playing pool followed by dinner which was fun and irritating at the same time due to the boy next to me who lacked social cues of when to stop flirting already!!! I went through 3 cups of water and like six hugs thanks to him. After that we went to flirty boy's place for more pool and a movie. Aaron and I chose the movie which was Jonny English. It's a pretty funny one if I do say so myself. I worked with him some more on his Spanish with his little pocket book that teaches him all the different missionary phrases he would need to learn. After the movie and some pool we all took the journey home. While cutting through the TSC Aaron noticed a banner that said there was poetry and a beverage...right then! Next thing you know he takes off up the stairs. I say I'll go see where he is and if anything is going on. So I take off and go all the way up to the 3rd level, back down to the first and then to the 2nd where I find Aaron amongst the crowd. Our other friends had already taken off so it was just the two of us. We listened to the performers and sipped our tripped up root beer. Walking home I threw a snow ball at him which turned into a battle the whole way home fighting to get the other person into the snow banks. He is more powerful than myself and could easily fight me in. Haha we even battled on the elevator. I felt like we had some dirty little secret because once the elevator opened to our floor we immediately stopped and walked out like nothing had happened. After that followed a long period of guitar hero which I mostly watched. Aaron's by far the best which is no wonder seeing as how it's his game. When Steve kicked us out at midnight I wasn't ready to go to bed. We talked Aaron into watching a movie in his room. It ended up working out that Aaron and I got to share the bed, or at least half of it. I took his blanket but it wasn't before long that he shared it with me. I ended up cuddling up against him. Man it felt so right. Especially when my head made it to his chest and my hand somewhere near his heart. Slowly my fingers started to trace circles there on his chest. I was so worried he would retaliate but he didn't, and I could feel the draw between us getting stronger. It felt like our bodies were being pulled together like a magnet. The real test was to see if he got up as soon as the movie was over...he didn't :). We just stayed there laying and talking until everyone else said they were ready to go, so he said he better escort them home (and me). It was quite a night.
    Well that was a whole lot of rambling just as expected. The other thoughts occupying my mind are varied and don't get as much attention. Some are about Brennan. I miss him still but in a good way. I'm also worried about going home for the summer because I spent last summer entirely with him.
    I worry about my family a lot especially recently it seems that there is a lot of turmoil that I can't help or fix. It's hard to be away and know you can't do anything to help.
    I miss  too many classes my motivation is shot and I don't know what's wrong. I have terrible sleep habits and feel as though I'm letting life pass me by. I feel like I let others direct my life for me instead of the other way around.
   I'm generally happy, but worry that sometimes I look waaaay to much into things instead of just enjoying them.
   Well that's enough said for one post.